As a business and personal coach, Talya E. Gershon helps clients to develop a variety of skills that can improve quality of life. Talya E. Gershon has worked with many individuals who have sought to strengthen their relationships by deepening their communications skills.
One of the most foundational communication skills is that of active listening. This difficult yet essential technique requires a person to focus fully on the speaker without tuning out, shutting down, or preparing a counter-argument before the other speaker has finished talking.
To accomplish this, the listener must first put away all distractions and turn his or her eyes and body toward the speaker. Thus physically focused, the listener then commits to taking in what the other person is saying. This can be difficult if the topic of conversation has the potential to trigger strong emotions or defensiveness.
Such conversations require the person who is listening to acknowledge the emotions that come up, so as not to become overwhelmed. The listener must also tune in to the speaker's words and look for ways in which he or she can empathize with the message. For example, if one partner in a couple believes that the two do not spend enough time together, the listener can ask what causes that feeling and seek out points of agreement.
Listeners may find it helpful to paraphrase what the other person is saying, so that the speaker feels heard and the listener can identify common ground. The process is gradual and may require patience on the part of both partners, but the end result of a productive conversation is worth the effort.